For the best person I've ever admired after my mom, DEMI LOVATO

My friend who can read mind once told me that I was not comfortable with my ownself, was not satisfied with my own skin. I have no confident. If there was a person who judge me, I could drown in their words about me. Because of that, I was sometimes losing my self.

Honestly, all the things on my mind that my friend read is just correct. There are some times that I am not comfortable with my self. I've written lot of articles in here on my blog about how happy I am being my self, or how grateful I am for everything in my body, in my life. I DO feel thankful for that, but, honestly, deep down in my heart there's a little space that say, I'm not.

Back then when I was in elementry school, there was name-calling for me, bad one. And when I was in middle school, there was a guy that decided to stay away from me, didn't call me anymore because I was pimpled. I dont know maybe that time was the beginning of all this 'things'. Untill now I'm in high school, I live my life with ups and downs, like everybody else, but I feel something in 'here' is just so wrong.

Then your song "Skyscraper" came out. I read the lyric. And I was like, this song is a typical song that I can releate to. I'm in love with this powerfull ballad.

Then I started to watch your interview about

how you overcome with your life, about your fighting with your "self acceptance" problem, I was inspired a lot.

I am not doing self harm, because I have no courage of doing that which is something I'm very very grateful for. But Demi, you inspired me to stay strong, to always feel beautiful and to always remember that every single one of us is beautiful.

It is not that easy to do what I've learned from you, but as you already said, that it is daily battle. When there is one day I can feel beautiful before I go to school, or feeling happy and throw my pain outside my window, or going through my day without feeling bad for being myself...........than I can tell myself that I success, that I'm the winner.

Demi, you have courage that not all the people in the world have. You are strong. And I want you to know that you are inspiring tons of girls to love our self and be postive.

It's hard we all know, but I'm on my way to build my courage too. I'm strong. And I am staying strong with you, and with all the people in the world who feel the same.

Thank you so much for your honesty and for being a great role model for young girls, including me. I'm not gonna love my self, my body every single time, but I have to, so I try and be grateful for it. And thank you for making your self become someone who will say "stop, it is not good" or "it will be ok.."

Thank you, Demi. You are beautiful.

Sincerely, your lovatic.

Kenapa California, Amerika Serikat?!

"Ya Allah, semoga besok pagi, saya buka mata dalam keadaan bukan di sini. Semoga, saya transfer dengan orang yang tinggal di California, Amerika Serikat sana. Semoga saya sekolah disana, semoga hidup saya di sini tuh cuma mimpi. Bangunkan saya dalam keadaan seperti itu ya Allah. Amin."

Tau ga, kalo kata-kata di atas tadi pernah menjadi ucapan do'a saya sebelum tidur. Kayanya ini akibat dari terlalu banyak jalan-jalan di dunia twitter deh, atau karena terlalu mengidolakan artis luar negeri mungkin, atau karena memang saya penggemar film barat, dan otomatis saya membayangkan sekolah seperti di film yang saya tonton. And that school in film is exactly what I wanted ;)

Kenapa California, Amerika Serikat? Soalnya disana gudangnya artis dunia. Mau nonton konsernya Demi Lovato? Gampang. Konsernya Avril Lavigne? Gampang. Kalo ada duit sih itu juga hehe. Tapi serius deh, saya pengen banget bisa tinggal disana. Dan, kalo saya bisa tinggal disana, Hollywood itu deket. Which means, I could meet a couple actors in movie I watch this whole time, Jhonny Depp? Check. Kristen Stewart? Check. Emma Stone? Tottaly check.

I'm not the only one btw,

saya sering kepikiran pengen hidup di belahan dunia selain Indonesia. I mean, saya pernah bilang sama diri sendiri, "I wish, hidup saya ga disini. I wish ketika saya bangun tidur, saya kebangun dengan keadaan kamar yang berbeda, cuaca yang berbeda, sekolah yang berbeda, AND once again, I wish I finally realize that I live in California.."

Pernah ada saatnya keberuntungan itu jauh dari tangan saya, otomotasi ngebuat saya susah untuk bersyukur. Itu lah latar belakang dibalik kenapa saya punya keinginan tinggal dan hidup berbeda.

Tapi, tapi, tapi.....

Orang tua saya, terutama mama, selalu ngajarin saya untuk bersyukur. Emang

ga secara langsung di ucapkan, "Kamu harus beryukur Nadia!" Ga kaya gitu, tapi mama saya tuh selalu tegar dalam keadaan apa pun, selalu senang, dan itu yang jadi bahan ajar saya untuk belajar bersyukur.

Keinginan gila saya untuk "Hidup berbeda" dari sekarang itu masih ada, tapi saya tetep cinta Indonesia kok dan sadar bahwa hidup saya, including my family and friend itu tuh udah keren banget, tapi kalo tetep mimpi untuk tinggal di California, AS ga ada salahnya juga kan? Hehehe :)